Monday, May 23, 2016

Jess from Scott Family of Maine {The Mommylogues Series}

I'm so excited that Jess is guest posting today, the girl can make me l-a-u-g-h (and apparently that is mutual! Love.)  I can relate to all of what Jess shared even if I would give my eye tooth for a third baby, the reality is, it isn't written in stone. I know you'll enjoy this and have a good chuckle too! 
Hi, everyone! I am so excited that Whitney is letting me invade her little space today...she's such a cool cat who makes me laugh on the regular, so I am feeling very privileged (which is great for a Monday)!


Scott Family of Maine



I am Jess, and I blog (some weeks are better than others) over at Scott Family of Maine. We live in Maine (duh) and have a sort of modern family: Chad has two daughters from his first marriage (Peyton and Mica), and we have a son (Cameron) and a daughter (Louise) together! They are almost 4 and almost 1! 



When Whitney said I could talk about anything, I was like, "just give me a topic...my brain's fried!" But then I was showering and started thinking about where I am, as a mom, and want to share why we've chosen to stop growing our family.






I was an only child, so as a kid, I longed for crazy, hectic, busy holidays, get togethers and family events. Even as an adult, I wanted it and decided that four was my magic number for kids. Four would be perfect. Matching outfits. Monogrammed stockings on the mantle. Smart, polite children running around my house. 

Before Cameron was born, I pictured us sitting on the grass, having a picnic and Cam just laying quietly, like newborns do. Then he was born and didn't stop crying for eight months. Thanks, Colic. We never had that quiet picnic, but it didn't stop us from wanting more.



I'm a teacher, so we sort of planned when Louise would be born - in the spring, so I could use my maternity leave and go right into summer. Girlfriend was ON POINT with her due date (May 16), so I got exactly six weeks of paid time off, then rolled smoothly into summer vacation, and now I want to advocate for four month long maternity leaves for everyone. We need it! (However, when Cam was 8 weeks old, and I had to return to work, I pretty much dropped him off at day care, with someone who I had only met twice, and ran out the door. I had never been so excited to go to work! Don't judge me...he was HARD. I needed some sanity in my life again.)



So, Louise was MUCH easier than Cam, but she still wasn't that super easy baby that I hear about all the time. (Some people say the third one's the charm, but we're not risking it.) She's almost a year old and still not sleeping through the night regularly. She only wants ME when I'm around (but couldn't give two sh*ts if I'm not there), and I've spent many, many social events rocking her to sleep. 

When Louise was around six months old, we decided that we were done having kids, and here's why:


1) They're expensive. 
Day care. Diapers. Formula/food. Activities. Clothes. Car seats. It never ends. We make okay money and have decent things - We drive a Ford and a Jeep, live in a modest house, splurge on Starbucks regularly and go out to dinner a little too much. I know that we could certainly change our life style, save more money, move to a different town, and have more kids. But we love our life and feel like we truly have it all. I like being able to sign Cam up for t-ball or hire a babysitter for a night out. With more kids, I know we would have to sacrifice some of this stuff. 


2) They're tiring.
When's the last time you woke up on your own, ate dinner sitting down or got to spend a Saturday running errands, sitting on the beach in peace or bar hopping around town? I don't prefer to do those things on the regular, but I don't have the choice to do it even once (unless we get out of dodge kid-less, which rarely happens). When I'm tired, it really doesn't matter unless they're sleeping, but then there's laundry, dishes, lunch packing, etc...it truly never ends as a parent. And I enjoy doing these things for my kids - I seriously love putting their little clothes away and making fun Valentines for their classes, but it never. ends. (I know I will wish for this chaos, when they are gone!)


3) I want my body back.
For realz....being pregnant was one of my FAVORITE things. The entire thing amazed me daily, and I couldn't get enough of my belly growing, the baby kicks, the not-being-able-to-get-off-the-couch times. I seriously loved it all. Not everyone loves being pregnant, so I am lucky and thankful that I did. (I have even thought about being a surrogate, but that's off the table now.) But, my body is so different now than before I had kids. I weigh a little more, which is fine, but my muscles turned into jello, my hips are a little wider, my boobs a little lower. I look at all of these changes as "trophies" of motherhood - I am seriously so proud of my body for what it did (twice). BUT, I am ready to be able to settle down and know that it won't be changing again (due to childbirth, anyways). I am ready to revamp my wardrobe and know that it will be good for a few years before I turn 40 and things are out of my control.


4) We'd have to buy a bigger car.
Seriously...loading two kids into the car is tough. I can't imagine three (or more). There's so much stuff in our car already - I think Chad might divorce me if it turns into a playroom on wheels!


5) We only have three bedrooms.
And two of them are like closets (sorry, kids...we wanted a big kitchen). I guess bunkbeds would work, but where would we put another kid? We're already busting at the seams.


Okay, in all seriousness, I feel like I am at my capacity. As a mom. A wife. A daughter. A teacher. I have had so many moments of feeling like I am not doing anything well, and I don't like that. I want to be present at whatever I am doing and not feeling like I should be doing something else. (This is why blogging has slacked for me, because I am getting better at being present at home and work, which leaves little time for writing.) I know some SuperMoms who CAN do it all, and I give them so much credit. I know a mom of SIX who works, keeps her house together AND still finds time to create amazing gifts for teachers. I just can't. I crash every night around 8:00p, wake around 5:00a and go full steam in between. I am not built to stay up all night doing laundry, dishes, presents. 



I hope this doesn't come across as selfish. I love my kids with my entire heart and would do anything for them - you all know that motherhood is something you don't understand until you're there. Sometimes, I feel guilty for choosing not to have more kids, when there are women and families longing to have just one and can't.  But, we feel like this is the right decision for us. 




I still get a little jealous when I see someone announce their pregnancy and am sad we won't be able to go through that again, but now that we've made our decision (and had the surgery), I am so excited to focus on our life and what will happen next - Louise turning one! Cameron turning four! Family vacations, backyard barbecues and so much more. I will live vicariously through all of you who are not done having babies yet and enjoy watching them reach each milestone that we won't experience again. But I'll do it all while drinking wine. ;) 


Thank you, Whitney, for letting me get out what I've been thinking about for months! I have so enjoyed this series and can't wait to "meet" some new people!


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18 comments:

  1. Okay I 100% agree with Jess. Yes being pregnant again would be great because I loved it too, but I am perfectly fine being done having babies. I enjoy getting a little more sleep and we are at a fun place with the kids being a little more fun and independent. We have 2 beautiful and healthy children, so we are happy. I laughed and shook my head as I read this. Great post Jess!! Drew has always said to me that I can have as many children as I want, but he's only financing two. Well played hubby. :)

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    1. Hahaha, only financing two!! Love it!! We are SO lucky to have two healthy, beautiful children, and you're right - they are at an age that is more FUN than maintenance (sorry to compare our children to cars), but I am so enjoying being ABLE to enjoy this instead of starting over again. PS Why were you blogging at 4am?!?! ;) xoxoxo

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  2. First off, I LOVE Jess. She's one of my favorite bloggers. Secondly, all the praise hands for knowing what's right for you and your family. We are card-carrying members of the one and done club fo lyfe and for us, it works. Yes, kids are amazing but let's be honest - they are also a HUGE responsibility. Love this post, Jess!

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    1. Thanks, Courtney!!! If kids were easy and not expensive, I would have 100, but they're neither of those, and neither of US are getting any younger. I'd like to travel again. And sleep. And buy expensive shoes. ;) xoxoxo

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  3. As am currently on maternity leave for my second child I totally want a 4 month maternity leave but some days I find that I am looking forward to going back to work.

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    1. Ah, enjoy it! Of course, now that Louise is almost one, I wish I had those quiet days at home with her!

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  4. LOVE this post! I seriously could've written this myself! With a #6 added - because I'm getting too old for this (After this one, if we chose to have a third, I'd likely be 38. Nothing wrong with that, but no thanks - not for me). I would also love a long maternity leave, but at the same time, after 9 weeks home with Mila, going back to work was seriously like a vacation. You are not selfish at all, Jess!

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    1. Thank you! I am so glad everyone can relate! Maternity leave with Cam felt like it lasted forever and with Louise, I didn't want it to end! I am getting too old to be able to get my body back! (I may already be too old for that!) xoxo

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  5. I smiled through this whole thing! We are about 98% sure that we are done & to be quite honest, that excites me! I'm looking forward to the next chapters & phases.

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    1. ME TOO! I'm so glad you smiled instead of judged me. :) I am so glad that someone else can relate! :) xo

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  6. I feel this way too. I want more kids, but all the things you listed are things that sit there in my mind all day long. I want my body and style back. They are so expensive. We have twins in daycare and it costs a fortune. I don't know how we would do it with more. Thank you for being honest here. I love it.

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  7. You should never feel guilty for deciding what's best for your family! And if that's two kids, then that's great! While I would love to have more than one, just because I can't doesn't mean someone else should have more just because they can. And now that I know we are done I'm appreciating the idea of doing all the things you are talking about!

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  8. Never feel guilty for doing what's right for you! Although we currently have #3 baking, I will be the first to admit that it wasn't planned and I have had my share of freak out moments over it for sure!!! I know it will be fine, but I also know we have a long road of more sleepless nights and messy high chairs in our future, lol!

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  9. haha but I'll do it all drinking wine. love it =)

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  10. I was just thinking about this the other day...being a teacher and planning (as much as you can) to have your baby before summer so that you get an extended maternity leave!! And I agree with everyone else, never feel guilty for knowing what is right for your family!

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  11. Such a great & wonderfully honest post. No one should judge you for choosing to do what is best for your & your family. I admire the self awareness and the honesty :)

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  12. I think it's great that you considered all factors and are doing what works for your family. I was also an only child for a long time (17 years!) and would love to have a huge family but at the same time, I love my alone time just as much because I'm just so used to it. When we have kids, I hope it to be in the early summer as well because my husband is a teacher and has summers off. Great post!
    Evelina @ Fortunate House

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  13. YES to so much of all of this!! We're done with 2 too. I still want one more, but my husband is done and two feels right for us.

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