Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Losing it


I had a moment last night; killer sinus pressure, an over-tired 2 year old and dirty Dora PJs.  A shredder full of old documents I was determined to get done, an episode of Rugrats on Netflix that decided to fritz out at the same time as the shredder. And then the you-know-what hit the fan. As I wrestled with trying to reconnect the Wii to continue streaming, undressing and then redressing a wriggling toddler AND trying to think how to fix a paper shredder motor (is that even what it's called?) the wails began. "I want my Dora pajamas! I don't like these (suitable fleece flower PJs) they're itchy! SCREAM!" And the tears flowed freely. And so did my temper.

I'm not proud of my behavior; I am the adult here after all and I was pretty much on par with my daughter's tantrum (minus the tears but right there with the yelling.) After feeling the flush creep up my neck and bloom across my face; you know the "anger flush", right?  I had my AHA moment. My little inner voice gently reminded me you can't reason with a 2 year old especially a screaming one. So I reorganized my thoughts and priorities and once again became "Mommy."

I gave her the choice of what substitute PJs (the pink leopard feeties), turned off the TV (probably should have done that sooner, anyway) and asked her what bedtime books we were going to read (Goodnight Wibbly Pig and Busy Penguins.) And somewhere between blowing my top, readjusting my attitude and snuggling down in bed to cuddle my baby to sleep; I realized I had to repair some bridges.

Apologizing to anyone is a humbling experience. Especially when it could go right over the intended party's head. Holding her in my arms, eyes closed, I began. I'm sorry for yelling. I have a headache and your screaming hurt. I didn't mean to scare you. I love you.

And her response? Mumble mumble. Sorry I yelled. Mumble. I love you.

And then we (I) were able to say our prayers with a clean conscience. It was the perfect ending to a not so perfect evening. Thank you God.



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6 comments:

  1. SO been there! i keep telling myself that my kids are going to definitely know how to apologize because they've seen me do it enough times! :]

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    1. Ain't that the truth, Tara! At least there's some consolation in knowing I'm modeling some good behavior mixed in with the bad :) Thanks for stopping by!
      Whitney

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  2. I like your comment about "modeling some good behaviour in with the bad." I am always trying to do that and I'll take some comfort in that at the very least, they are getting both models. And I'm glad I'm not the only mommy who gets down to my kids' levels in tantrums :)

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    1. Not my finest moments, but it's so encouraging to hear others stories and know I'm not alone- moms need to stick together and support one another! Thanks for your kind words, Natasha!
      Whitney

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  3. I have definitely been here, thanks for showing me that I'm not alone. It is incredibly encouraging. I'm so glad you linked up with us.

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    1. Thanks Jennifer; it is an honor and pleasure to be a part of you Build em Up link up! It has been encouraging reading everyone's post and finding strength in numbers. Thanks for stopping by!
      Whitney

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