This past month has been kinda hard at our house. Between lack of sleep due to a teething baby and what seems to be a never ending power struggle with my 4 year old, I have been less than stellar. And I have reverted to my "angry mom voice" more often than not. It hasn't been pretty. But once I stepped back, took some deep breaths and consulted with God, things started improving. Slow and steady.
These are the valuable lessons my daughter has taught me:
There is a fine line between talking to and talking at; I was doing the second. It isn't respectful and it turns off the listener in 2 seconds flat. Engaging her in my conversations and valuing her input works better.
I'm not a bad mom. I'm the mom she was made specifically for. And vice versa. We were hand-crafted for each other. We may know how to push each other's buttons, good or bad, but that is exactly as it should be. God knows what he is doing and I have to trust that I'm good enough to carry out my motherly duty because He has already entrusted me.
Being on the same page with Brian about how to handle tantrums and misbehavior is paramount. We tell her the consequences to her actions and they are always the same (a 4 minute time out.) Knowing what the outcome will be for misbehaving has tempered the severity of her outbursts.
Our teaching style/ learning style needs tweaking. She needs to move around and be active, she is essentially a kinesthetic learner. I am not that way and there lies the disconnect. So, not so much sit down activities, incorporate more movement games and outdoor time.
Trying to control her is not healthy. Guiding and counseling are. Modeling the proper behavior is beneficial. Yelling and being annoyed is not. I am choosing the happier path.
These small tweaks coupled with a huge heart change (thanks be to God) has really eased my tension. Kinsey woke up the other morning and said, "Listen to your mama" with the biggest smile on her face. We are making progress. Slow and Steady.
This is a beautiful post Whitney! I love that you treat your daughter with such kindness and respect. It's so refreshing to read! My daughter is only 3 months but I still try to be as beneficial as a parent to her as I can be. I think she will be a lot like your daughter when she yes to that age!
ReplyDeleteThank you Bethany. Congratulations to you, having a daughter is a wonderful adventure. I find just being conscious of our interactions during the day-to-day has the biggest impact. Cherish your newborn phase, it goes by so quickly!
DeleteLove it. Talking to and talking at, definitely a big difference.
ReplyDeleteLove all of these. Motherhood is definitely a wild ride. Some days I'm on and others my patience is tested every second. All of these things are definitely true, you're a great mama!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words, Leah! I totally agree with you, every day is =
Deleteits own adventure/battle. Its good for the soul to know other moms get what=
Im going through. Have a great weekend!
Whitney
Love it. I especially love your comment about not being controlling and instead guiding. I had a very controlling parent growing up, which eventually led me to push her away in the future.
ReplyDeleteThank you Chelsea; Im sorry to hear about an overburdening parent. That is exactly why I wrote this, to have a reminder. I want mutual love and affection and that starts with a positive, healthy relationship. Youre brave, lady!
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